What is Detachment
There are many esoteric ways to describe detachment. The word itself conjures up images of zen monks meditating and detaching from worldly affairs and preoccupations, thus achieving peace of mind and tranquillity and ultimately even a state of bliss.
Another way is to highlight its opposite, namely attachment and all its implications of giving too much importance to material things, or certain outcomes that if do not materialize the way you expect them to, can affect your self-esteem. In many ways, one can say that identifying yourself too closely with things like your house, car, career, or relationship, can lead to feelings of loss of your identity when you lose them.
Detachment in a business environment – Managing your investments or retirement portfolio
If you are one of many people who are managing their own investment portfolio and especially if you are close to or have been retired for some time, the recent drop in the stock market is probably creating a lot of stress and uncertainty in your life. In this case, understanding the key concepts of detachment can help you see clearly in the fog of uncertainty that is usually created when fear or greed prevails.
Easier said than done, right? I agree that this is not as easy as it sounds, but there are things that are in your control that when applied judiciously can help avoid major errors and provide more stability and peace of mind. So here are the basic strategies and techniques that you can follow.
The fundamental concept of balance in one’s life has real practical applications here.
First, in order to be in balance one must have a plan that includes the capacity to react to various circumstances.
Second, if you have a plan, you are better prepared to react more swiftly when such circumstances change.
For example, given your age and investment time horizon, you would have created a portfolio that balances risk and reward based on your needs and short/long-term financial objectives. Most people do that well if helped by a financial advisor. The problem usually emerges when we forget to remain committed and focused on our objectives and respond to greed and fear that amplify the current situation especially when we focus too much on media coverage that usually highlights the negative to raise their readership.
Understanding yourself (how you react to stress and emotional highs and lows) your objective (short, mid, and long-term), the dynamic landscape in which you operate (high volatility and low predictability of the stock market especially over a short-term time horizon), can allow you to remain detached from the outcome when things seem to be out of control.
Understanding the enemy. In the Art of War, the key concept is that when you know yourself you will win half of the battles, and when you know both yourself and the enemy you will always win. Well, what does that really mean and who is the enemy? in this case, the enemy is fear and greed and your human emotions that cloud your mind when clarity is needed to move in an optimum way given the circumstances (the lay of the land in a battle situation).
Detachment from the outcome. This is only possible if all the previous strategies and techniques have been put in place. It is extremely difficult to remain detached if you are letting your emotions run your life when you are facing a very stressful event like a stock market crash.
I am not here to give financial advice. Still, hopefully, the ancient wisdom of life management in modern real-life situations can help you navigate these turbulent times with ease and grace, with the understanding that the sun always shines above the clouds and that preparation and opportunity have and will always remain the best definition of luck.
Detachment in a business environment – Getting a good condo deal
A good lady friend of mine went to an open house to find a suitable solution to a complex decision like buying a condo that had not been built yet. This particular example focuses on the openness and comfortable feeling of knowing that a solution is available if you look hard enough. It also illustrates that a certain level of knowledge is required as obviously, we cannot operate at our best in a business deal, an interview, or an exam that we did not prepare for.
My friend’s knowledge of the subject (she had bought condos before) gave her the confidence to approach the situation with an open mind which is a very important point in understanding the concept of detachment. Knowledge and preparation are very important but flexibility is just as important, as sometimes finding the second-best option turns out to be an even better decision. Let me explain…
When we are looking for the best decision, we are actually closing our minds as we tend to approach the decision with certain likes and dislikes based on previous experience (cognitive bias). This is actually not optimal as we focus our attention on a certain outcome and therefore tend to overlook other opportunities.
She did not have any preconceived ideas about a solution and was confident enough to find an even better option with a corner apartment on the main floor and an extra window for more light and a terrace with ready access to a green space, which would be a real plus when selling to an aging population of anyone who appreciates a bit of green space.
How detachment helped her help others
When she provided some helpful suggestions to another potential buyer who had missed a chance to purchase what he liked, she did so from a position of clarity and non-attachment as she was not trying to sell anything but just help someone. Her detached comments and more importantly her energy helped and convinced the individual to buy the condo. Not only that, but he did so, convinced that she was a salesperson for the condo developer.
That is big, as it perfectly explains the concept of flow and non-attachment. In fact, if she was a salesperson, the individual would likely have picked up some nervous energy that usually comes with pressure selling and as most people know, we do not want to be sold to but want an opportunity for clear information to provide clarity on achieving our goals.
Her narrative on the events provided me with a different angle on the meaning of non-attachment or detachment and I hope that it will also help you as you undertake your own path of enlightenment and help others with their self-realization goals.
Why detachment is so important
In life, we come across many similar situations and unless we are aware of what true detachment means we cannot use it in a balanced and masterful way that can help us be our best at any given time.
The Flow
We are in the flow when we get lost in the moment and lose our preconceived ideas of what the outcome should be. This allows us to be fully present and be at our best, be it in a business deal, managing your investment or retirement portfolio, a job interview, a speech, a discussion with a spouse, or any high-level interaction like a sporting event when peak performance is required.
It is a childlike feeling and most of us can probably remember when we were playing as kids and were having so much fun that we lost all perception of time. That was fun, wasn’t it? And when we are having fun, we are usually operating to the best of our capabilities.
Detachment in a Relationship
The concept of detachment is ideally suited for relationships, be they romantic, business-related, or between friends. These are big topics and they require an in-depth analysis but we got to start somewhere, and the concepts below are a good starting point and they should lay a foundation on which to build. Let’s start with romantic relationships.
Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships are the most complex ones because they require a combination of vulnerability and openness that when combined with emotions, can open up all kinds of fears as well as opportunities to really get to know ourselves. In fact, it is the fear of repeating past mistakes (I rather like to use the word experience instead of mistakes, as very few people are willing and consciously decide to choose negative outcomes for themselves) that is probably the greatest barrier to fulfilling romantic relationships.
Within this context, the attachment to, and therefore the need for detachment from the fear of repeating a negative past experience, is the issue. In fact, when we play in our mind the scenarios of unfulfilled expectations, betrayals, feeling of abandonment, and so on that can emerge from reliving the past in our minds, we tell the universe that we are still very much attached to the past. The question then arises of “how” we can detach from the past in order to be fully present in the moment and live our lives to the fullest.
The Universal Mind as a Mirror to Our Wishes and Desires
I like to use the concept of the Universe as “All That There Is”, a higher power, a divine creative force full of primordial elements that can be arranged by thought to create our realities. If we view the Universe as a film in a camera that captures and reflects the images projected into it by our minds, we would be very careful about our own thoughts and ideas.
Our mind is very powerful and is governed by Universal Laws that do not distinguish between real or imaginary thoughts just the same way our thoughts seem real to us in our dreams. When we fully understand these concepts, we will be able to control our minds instead of our minds controlling us. In fact, the default mechanism of our minds can be hijacked by our fears and desires that are projected on the big screen of our lives. We think we are conscious beings, but a lot of what goes on in our minds is driven by unconscious thoughts.
The Ego and the Fear Factor
These unconscious thoughts also operate very much at the spiritual level but that is a conversation for another time. For now, let’s say that the Ego has a lot to do with influencing our thoughts and decisions, thereby our reality. The ego is the opposite of Love as it is a restrictive force since the focus is totally on itself. Fear is the major tool that the Ego uses to achieve its goals.
Fortunately for us, FEAR or “False Expectations Appearing Real” can be managed once exposed for what it is, and by confronting it. If not confronted, Fear will drive the expectation of a false outcome and we tend to imagine it so vividly that it appears real in our mind. As we have already discussed, our minds have a difficult time distinguishing between real events and imagined ones and our bodies react as though the events are happening right now in real life.
Many times we try to glimpse the future because we want more certainty in our life, but it is not by rationalizing and controlling everything that makes us happier, but by letting ourselves be guided by the greater intelligence of our heart and spirit that see beyond that of the mind.
