How Detachment Can Help You Be Your Best

There are many esoteric ways to describe detachment. Obviously, a deeper understanding of this powerful concept can also be used to improve your own life and that of others as you progress and reach higher and higher levels of consciousness. 

As you know at any one time we can be a teacher or student as no one is above another in our path to grow spiritually in this plane of consciousness we call earth. We are here to learn and I much appreciated the personal lessons and the many friends and colleagues who have shared of their own experiences which I am now sharing back with you in a broader context that can hopefully provide more insight into a very important subject that is poorly understood by way too many people.

Competing for Gold at the CNE Karate Competition

I like to use the example of me losing the gold medal at the CNE National Karate competition when my group from Northern Ontario, realizing that I was the only one still standing of 25 that our region had sent to compete, started chanting my name and saying “Frank... Gold, Frank...Gold” which brought me back into the moment from a state of flow and detachment and made me conscious of their expectations, which in turn placed a burden on me of not wanting to lose.

 Stopping the flow

 I hesitated for a split second which my competitor sensed and took advantage of when I moved in for a jab reverse punch combination that I had almost perfected to the point of winning six fights in a raw and make it to the finals. He moved in with the same combination, one split second faster and hit me in the solar plex before I had a chance to deliver mine and tighten up the stomach muscle. The shock from being hit there almost knocked me out and it took a tremendous amount of willpower and the years of training to not pass out. I was now behind by half a point and still in a state of shock to mount a strong attack thereby my competition only had to stay out of range and win the gold with a small advantage.

Be like the moon over water - reflecting events as they occur

I approached my fights with a totally open mind. It had helped me tremendously to be totally prepared, having just returned from a week at the kamikaze camp training (outside Toronto) with the national team and many competitors had also been there and I had trained with them, therefore I knew in my mind that I could beat them and I did every single one until the last fight for the gold medal. I did not know my competitor but it wasn’t that the reason why I lost as I was in the flow state and it did not matter who was in front of me. In fact I was able to adjust in relation to the circumstances of my opponent’s body language and flow of energy, and it was only when I became conscious of my friends expecting me to win the gold that stopped the natural flow just enough for my opponent to take advantage of and win.

Why detachment is so important

In life we come across many similar situations and unless we are aware of what true detachment means we cannot use it in a balanced and masterful way that can help us be our best at any given time.

The Flow

We are in the flow when we get lost in the moment and lose our preconceived ideas of what the outcome should be. This allows us to be fully present and be at our best, be it in a job interview, a speech, a discussion with a spouse, or any high level interaction like a sporting event when peak performance is required.

It is a childlike feeling and most of us can probably remember when we were playing as kids and were having so much fun that we lost all perception of time. That was fun, wasn’t it and when we are having fun, we are usually operating at the best of our capabilities.

Detachment in a Relationship

The concept of detachment is ideally suited for relationships, be them romantic, business related, or between friends. These are big topics and they require an in-depth analysis, but we got to start somewhere and the concepts below are a good starting point and they should lay a foundation on which to build on. Let’s start with the romantic relationships.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are the most complex ones because they require a combination of vulnerability and openness that when combined with emotions, can open up all kinds of fears as well as opportunities to really getting to know ourselves. In fact, it is the fear of repeating past mistakes (I rather like to use the word experience instead of mistakes, as very few people willing and consciously decide to choose negative outcomes for themselves) that is probably the greatest barrier to fulfilling romantic relationships.

Within this context, the attachment to, and therefore the need for detachment from the fear of repeating a negative past experience, that is the issue. In fact, when we play in our mind the scenarios of unfulfilled expectations, betrayals, feeling of abandonment, and so on that can emerge from reliving the past in our minds, we tell the universe that we are still very much attached to the past. The question then arises on “how” we can detach from the past in order to be fully present in the moment and live our lives to the fullest?

The Universal Mind as a Mirror to Our Wishes and Desires

I like to use the concept of the Universe as “All That There Is”, a higher power, a divine creative force full of primordial elements that can be arranged by thought to create our realities. If we view the Universe as the film in a camera that captures and reflects the images projected into it by our minds, we would be very careful about our own thoughts and ideas.

Our mind is very powerful and is governed by Universal Laws that do not distinguish between real or imaginary thoughts just the same way our thoughts seem real to us in our dreams. When we fully understand these concepts, we will be able to control our minds instead of our minds controlling us. In fact the default mechanism of our minds can be hijacked by our fears and desires that are projected on the big screen of our lives. We think we are conscious beings, but a lot of what goes on in our minds are driven by unconscious thoughts.

The Ego and the Fear Factor

These unconscious thoughts also operate very much at the spiritual level but that is a conversation for another time. For now, let’s say that the Ego has a lot to do with influencing our thoughts and decisions, thereby our reality. Ego is the opposite of Love as it is a restrictive force since the focus is totally on itself. Fear is its major tool that the Ego uses to achieve its goals.

Fortunately for us, FEAR or “False Expectations Appearing Real” can be managed once exposed for what it is, and by confronting it. If not confronted, Fear will drive the expectation of a false outcome and we tend to imagine it so vividly that it appears real in our mind. As we have already discussed, our minds have a difficult time distinguishing between real events and imagined ones and our bodies react as though the events are happening right now in real life.

Many times we try to glimpse the future because we want more certainty in our life, but it is not by rationalizing and controlling everything that makes us happier, but by letting ourselves be guided by the greater intelligence of our heart and spirit that see beyond that of the mind.